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The Illustrated Works of Shakespeare
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Illustrated Works of Shakespeare, The (1990)(Animated Pixels)[!][CDTV-PC].iso
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05_01
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1991-04-10
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194 lines
Another part of the Park.
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL.
Holofernes Satis quod sufficit.
Nathaniel I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at dinner have been
sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty
without affection, audacious without impudency, learned
without opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse
this quondam day with a companion of the king's, who is
intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
Holofernes Novi hominem tanquam te. His humour is lofty, his discourse
peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gait
majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and
thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too
odd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
Nathaniel A most singular and choice epithet.
[Draws out his table-book.
Holofernes He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the
staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasimes,
such insociable and point-devise companions, such rackers of
orthography, as to speak 'dout' sine b, when he should say
'doubt'; 'det' when he should pronounce 'debt' - d, e, b, t,
not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf, 'cauf'; half, 'hauf';
neighbour vocatur 'nebour'; neigh abbreviated 'ne'. This is
abhominable, which he would call 'abominable'. It insinuateth
me of insanie: ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
lunatic.
Nathaniel Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
Holofernes Bone? 'Bone' for 'bene'. Priscian a little scratched; 'twill
serve.
Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD.
Nathaniel Videsne quis venit?
Holofernes Video et gaudeo.
Armado [To MOTH.] Chirrah!
Holofernes Quare 'chirrah', not sirrah?
Armado Men of peace, well encountered.
Holofernes Most military sir, salutation.
Moth [Aside to COSTARD.] They have been at a great feast of
languages, and stolen the scraps.
Costard [Aside to MOTH.] O, they have lived long on the alms-basket
of words! I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word,
for thou art not so long by the head as
honorificabilitudinitatibus; thou art easier swallowed than a
flap-dragon.
Moth Peace, the peal begins.
Armado [To HOLOFERNES.] Monsieur, are you not lettered?
Moth Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a, b, spelt
backward with the horn on his head?
Holofernes Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
Moth Ba, most silly sheep with a horn: you hear his learning.
Holofernes Quis, quis, thou consonant?
Moth The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or the
fifth, if I.
Holofernes I will repeat them; a, e, i-
Moth The sheep; the other two concludes it: o, u.
Armado Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch, a
quick venue of wit. Snip, snap, quick and home! It rejoiceth
my intellect - true wit!
Moth Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
Holofernes What is the figure? What is the figure?
Moth Horns.
Holofernes Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy gig.
Moth Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your
infamy manu cita. A gig of a cuckold's horn.
Costard An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it to
buy gingerbread. Hold, there is the very remuneration I had
of thy master, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg
of discretion. O, an the heavens were so pleased that thou
wert but my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make
me. Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as
they say.
Holofernes O, I smell false Latin: 'dunghill' for unguem.
Armado Arts-man, preambulate; we will be singled from the barbarous.
Do you not educate youth at the charge-house on the top of
the mountain?
Holofernes Or mons, the hill.
Armado At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
Holofernes I do, sans question.
Armado Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and affection to
congratulate the princess at her pavilion in the posteriors
of this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
Holofernes The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable,
congruent, and measurable for the afternoon. The word is well
culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do
assure.
Armado Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do
assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward between us,
let it pass. I do beseech thee, remember thy courtesy; I
beseech thee, apparel thy head. And among other importunate
and most serious designs, and of great import indeed, too -
but let that pass, for I must tell thee, it will please his
grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder,
and with his royal finger thus dally with my excrement, with
my mustachio - but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world,
I recount no fable. Some certain special honours it pleaseth
his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world - but let that pass. The
very all of all is - but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy -
that the king would have me present the princess, sweet
chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant,
or antic, or firework. Now, understanding that the curate and
your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden
breaking out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
withal, to the end to crave your assistance.
Holofernes Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir
Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our
assistance, the king's command, and this most gallant,
illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the princess - I
say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
Nathaniel Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?
Holofernes Joshua, yourself; myself or this gallant gentleman, Judas
Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great limb or joint,
shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules-
Armado Pardon, sir; error! - he is not quantity enough for that
Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.
Holofernes Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in minority:
his enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will
have an apology for that purpose.
Moth An excellent device! So, if any of the audience hiss, you may
cry "Well done, Hercules! Now thou crushest the snake." That
is the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the
grace to do it.
Armado For the rest of the Worthies?
Holofernes I will play three myself.
Moth Thrice-worthy gentleman!
Armado Shall I tell you a thing?
Holofernes We attend.
Armado We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I beseech you,
follow.
Holofernes Via, goodman Dull! Thou hast spoken no word all this while.
Dull Nor understand none neither, sir.
Holofernes Allons! We will employ thee.
Dull I'll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on the tabor
to the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.
Holofernes Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport, away!
[Exeunt.